HAAS PARTY

It's over with.

2010-11-09T18:42:00.000-05:00

Damien Cox on Jose Bautista

2010-08-25T22:02:00.003-04:00

I know I haven't written on here in a while, but I just typed up the following in an email to my father and my brother, and I felt I might as well post here. If only because of how much I despise Damien Cox.

It is primarily in response to this blog post for The Toronto Star.

Damien Cox continues to be an embarrassment to sports columnists, sports journalists and journalists everywhere.

While I don't disagree with the notion that baseball numbers should now be viewed with a critical eye, I don't think Jose Bautista at all fits into the steroid mold. This is just yet another instance of Cox writing something merely to get a reaction. That is what he does. That is all he does.

Only last season did Jose Bautista begin to get anything resembling regular playing time. Funnily enough, as he settled into that role, he started to hit with power (10 homers in September). Now this season he is locked in. I won't be surprised to see him something like 20-25 homers next season, because pitchers will have figured him out better (Look at Lind and Hill this year).

For Cox to make this accusation (without actually making the accusation, because he is a coward, and has no proof) so early into Bautista's power surge is ridiculous. And to imply Bautista is well into his career because he is 29 is even more ludicrous. He was a utility player until the Jays got him. This is only really his second full season as a full-time player.

Why is it so hard to believe that he is only now showing what he's capable of?

2010-07-23T21:52:00.001-04:00

Fucking magnets, how do they worK?

2010-07-19T19:00:00.000-04:00

2010-07-17T09:11:00.002-04:00

As the summer goes on I continue to intern at an advertising agency and continue to ignore this blog.

But, I've again written something for the agency blog: a piece on the use of photoshop in ads.

Yeah. I'm busy with work.

Internal Affairs

2010-06-10T18:53:00.002-04:00

I'm working as an intern copywriter at an advertising agency for the summer.

I just wrote a piece for their blog about transitioning from being a student to an intern.

2010-05-23T12:23:00.001-04:00

Euro sarcasm

2010-05-21T21:08:00.002-04:00

So about a year ago, I went to Europe. Then in the months after that, I posted some photos up here from the trip.

And just now, I wrote a review for my friends at Crab Town.

Have at it.

2010-05-13T20:23:00.001-04:00

2010-05-05T17:56:00.001-04:00

A not so brief explanation of why I want to go into advertising

2010-04-23T09:15:00.006-04:00

When I tell people that I'm going to school for advertising copywriting, the reactions I get usually come in the form of slight scoffs and mildly condescending "Oh, that's nice" comments.

I'll admit that when I first started my program eight months ago, I was a little embarrassed to say that I was going into advertising. For whatever reason, I thought advertising automatically meant that I was "selling my soul" or giving up on my former dreams of being a "real" writer.

Partly it seemed to be that everyone generally thinks of advertising as being something evil, because it is usually done on behalf of big corporations and that it really is everywhere. Me wanting to join the industry somehow made me an accessory continuing to its continued existence, and I was supposed to feel guilty about that.

But why? The more time I spend working on my portfolio and the closer I get to actually working at an agency, the more I'm sure this is the kind of business I want to be in.

Is it because I like selling things? Is it because I want to trick people into buying things that they don't need?

No. And if you think I'm fooling myself, well, you don't really know what you're talking about.

Whenever someone says that advertising doesn't work on them or that all advertising is terrible, all I can think is that odds are they have laughed at a funny ad and probably sent their friends the YouTube link. There's good advertising and terrible advertising, just likes there's good and bad movies, music, et cetera.

Let me admit that I used to never think about advertising as a career (aside from when a slightly eccentric and slightly drunker retired ad man told me to go into the business), I wanted to be a film and music journalist. Which, contrary to popular belief, is still a job that is obtainable, especially for the talented and very hardworking.

But being one tends to require another full-time job to support yourself, because the pay is awful. It's not that newspaper and magazines don't want to pay you well, they just can't. Working as a freelance journalist is only for the determined and those who don't require much food to live. Juggling freelance work with a proper nine-to-five is also tricky because you need a job that is flexible, allowing you to run off to a screening or interview on short notice. The thing about flexible jobs? The pay is also awful.

I tried my hand at mixing freelance work with a job as a prep cook for a little over six months, and the only real thing I got out of it was a distaste for my own writing. When I decided to stop writing film and music criticism it wasn't because I was giving up, it was because I hated doing it. (Save for the few times I got to make fun of terrible Zac Efron movies.) So when people make jokes about how I gave up on my dream or that I didn't work hard enough, it bothers me. Who says what you thought you wanted to do for living is actually what you want to do for a living?

I stopped being a critic because I didn't find it challenged me in anyway other than having to make phone calls to strangers. I felt like I was writing the same article over and over, just with slightly different words. (Whether or not that means I'm a bad writer is for you to decide.)

I turned to copywriting because it looked like a challenge. It was something I didn't know how to do and had never done before. I figured I'd try it out and see if I liked it. I reasoned that I could justify going into advertising to other people by saying that I just needed a job that I didn't totally hate.

But now, as my program comes to an end, I genuinely really like the kind of work advertising allows me to do. For one thing, every campaign is different. Even if it's a similar product to one you've worked on before, you have to find something new or different to say about it. And then you have to make sure that hasn't been said before.

People who know me know that I set overly high expectations for myself, and when I don't meet them I pretty much think I've failed. So I don't think anyone should be surprised that I aspire to work in an industry that sets very high expectations of its workers. Every day you are expected to deliver, and if you don't, then you haven't done your job.

It isn't like being a prep cook where you can constantly say "good enough." It isn't like being a journalist where you can get published simply by being a little more coherent and clever than the average person. (This isn't a comment on journalists as a whole, just myself.)

Whether or not you succeed in advertising is largely based on results. It's based on whether or not the client buys your idea, whether or not that idea does for the client what they wanted. This is what is expected of you everyday.

And this isn't to say that the prospect of selling excites me. It's the process of coming up with new, interesting, possibly funny ideas that people can relate to that makes me want to constantly work harder. Which, in itself, isn't all that different from journalism. I'm not saying that I think advertising is an art form; I'm not trying to rationalize my choice of profession by convincing myself that I am still being creative everyday and not really working some boring office tower job.

It is a job — one with a lot of expectations. That's why it appeals to me. Advertising does require you to be creative because you have to force yourself to think harder everyday. If what I do all day is think of new ways to say things, then I'm pretty sure I'm doing what I've wanted to do for a long time.

So don't tell me I'm somehow a worse person for wanting to do something interesting.

Wet Ones

2010-04-20T09:22:00.005-04:00

Here are the print components from a new campaign I did for Wet Ones. I wanted to position them as something you can take with you when you travel abroad and use in place of a shower (in a pinch).

Interns for hire

2010-04-08T20:06:00.003-04:00

We were given the assignment of creating some ads for our own Portfolio Show that we're having at the end of the month. The idea was to convince Creative Directors from agencies to come look at our portfolios and pick and choose who they might want to hire as an intern.

Here are the two I came up with:

2010-03-28T21:19:00.004-04:00

I recently took these ads out of my portfolio, so I'm taking them off of here too.

Sadness.

PetSafe

2010-03-21T17:58:00.006-04:00

I'm in the middle of refining my portfolio before showing it to some people in the industry in a little over a week, but here are the print components of a campaign I did for PetSafe bark control that will probably make the cut.

I would use this

2010-03-18T15:23:00.001-04:00

In summary, I have been doing stuff

2010-03-15T20:12:00.005-04:00

It's been an interesting couple of weeks at school, not in school, wherever. And I don't mean interesting in that you'd be interested in what's happened, only I would be, and far be it from me to use my blog to tell you about stuff only I care about.

I just got back the second version of my portfolio. I could say a lot of things about how it got shaped and why certain things were left in that resulted in certain disappointing marks, but instead I'll just say that there are some good ads in there. I just need more.

I was also excited to find out that Rethink, an agency whose work constantly makes me go into periods of prolonged envy, is opening an office here in Toronto at the beginning of April. Maybe I'll apply for a job there in something like 5 years.

I'm going to go "ideate" now or whatever.

2010-03-01T21:05:00.002-05:00

I've been pretty busy with school lately, our next portfolio is due a week from today and we've been working on a lot of different campaigns for all of our classes. I just started working on an online version of my portfolio, and I'm hoping to have it up shortly after I hand in my physical copy.

In the meantime I'm planning on starting P90X bro, just because I figure I'm not busy enough right now.

That's a sick line of credit, bro

2010-02-24T11:25:00.000-05:00

The Ed Hardy Boyz 2: The Case of When That Hot Filipina Girl Lost Her Tramp Stamp At Mini-Golf from Jon Daly

2010-02-14T12:05:00.002-05:00

I've had a Tumblr account for almost 2 years now, but I didn't actually start using it until today.

For now I'm only going to be using it to post really old photos I dig up in my room.

2010-02-13T11:49:00.003-05:00

I just started my reading week at school, but I'm going to be spending a good amount of time during it doing work. I took down my last post of ads because I changed them and because they weren't all that great.

I'll try to find something to post up here to help you and I procrastinate.

Crystal

2010-02-02T14:05:00.002-05:00

The Toronto blog Torontoist made an older Holgaroid photo of mine their photo of the day today.

I'm probably better off that JD Salinger went into seclusion

2010-01-28T13:56:00.004-05:00

[The following was also published on Crab Town.]

As I'm sure you've read by now, J.D. Salinger died yesterday at age 91.

Like anyone who received an honest education, I read The Catcher In The Rye as a teenager having a fairly standard high school experience — that is, not exactly hating it, not exactly loving it. But, I should admit, I was a lot closer to hating than loving.

As I'm sure it did to almost everyone in my position, the book heightened my scorn for each person that I didn't like and didn't like me. (Strange how those two groups seemed to overlap.) It made me feel as though I wasn't alone, there wasn't just a few people in my school who were bound for something greater than an institution that encouraged hard work but was supported by a social hierarchy that never rewarded such a thing.

In Catcher, Salinger summed up this kind of world as "phony," which at the time was about as perfect a definition as I could hope for. I was authentic, I was original, I was misunderstood — except, that is, by Salinger. I bought all of his other books in search of more sympathy, more reasons why I should accept my situation as the blunt reality of life and just wallow in my bitterness of it all.

At the age of 16 or 17, Raise High the Roof Beam, Carpenters and Seymour: An Introduction was a little over my head. I told myself that I got it, but I didn't. Franny and Zooey was more my speed, and it offered more in the disenchanted protagonist department. Reading of Franny's discontentment with the world around her even in college made me think that no matter what I did in my life, I'd always be surrounded by fake people — I'd always be the only one true original.

But then, high school started getting a bit better. I made more friends and transferred to a school with an environment that better suited me. I put away Salinger books for a while — though I still absolutely swore by his work as definitive. And of course, Franny and Zooey was the better book because fewer people had read it. I started being more interested in interacting with people rather than just resenting them. (To be clear, I still resented a lot of people.)

As opposed to embracing my misery and constantly wondering why no one was realizing that I was brilliant, I was doing constructive things with my time. I probably never put greater effort into my photography work as I did in my last two years of high school and first year of university. I think I was at peace with the idea that though there were many people that I didn't like, I could still do whatever I wanted to do without worrying about them.

During this time I managed to read Salinger's Nine Stories, which, compared to his other novels, is a slightly more optimistic and brighter work. The closing story, "Teddy," probably struck me the hardest, with its ruminations on existence and the idea that you could die pretty much at any instant. I think that this concept became a little more important to me than cursing the world in all its unfairness and bullshit.

I re-read Catcher after that and though I could (and still can) relate to a lot of Holden Caufield's feelings, they didn't seem quite as relevant. All that bitterness seemed like a wasted effort when there were so many great things to experience, like moving far away from home for the first time and meeting people I had never seen before. And sure, I definitely did not like all of the new people that I met, but at least I was discovering that rather than assuming.

I'm not saying reading Catcher In The Rye or Nine Stories changed me, but I did change after reading them. I'd like to think that was a result of the natural process of maturing; Salinger's work only served to remind me to keep a slightly-skeptical, watchful eye through which to filter my experiences.

I took my Holga to New York and all I got was these lousy pictures

2010-01-21T21:41:00.007-05:00

2010-01-18T18:33:00.002-05:00

A few more photos from New York.

R.I.P. Jay Reatard

2010-01-13T17:19:00.002-05:00

A young musician named Jay Reatard died today at the age of 29. I enjoyed his work.

2010-01-13T08:54:00.000-05:00

London, England.

Off-Strategy: Beginner headlines

2010-01-10T16:33:00.003-05:00

I was cleaning out the notes from my first semester of studying advertising and I came across an in-class assignment I had worked on.

I had to write headlines for a brand of more absorbent baby diapers. I decided to post a couple of them because I think they are a good example of where someone's head is at before they really start learning how to approach an ad. Plus, they still make me laugh.

So again, headlines for extra absorbent diapers:

-Wet dream.

-Sleeping doodie.

-Now it's okay if your baby has a shitty sleep.

New York City

2010-01-08T15:12:00.014-05:00

Photos from the days around when it went from 2009 to 2010.

New York in black and white

2010-01-05T23:43:00.004-05:00

I spent the past week in New York City, doing the tourist/pretend to be a local thing. Here are some of my impressions from my first visit to Jay Z's house:

-What passes for a hot dog on the streets of New York is a brown thing in a vat of boiling water. I kept wondering what else the vendors might keep in there.

-What came first, the stereotype or the real one in New York?

-I can't afford $5,000 cufflinks, nor do I even want them. BUT I HAVE TO HAVE THEM.

-I'm not sure if it reflects badly on me or the city of New York that I thought most girls I saw walking around were dressed as if they were on Gossip Girl.

-I'm pretty sure that I wasn't featured in a rap video at any point.

-I thought the subway was really dirty. That is until I came back to Toronto and took the TTC home, then I realized that there is "dirty" and there is "acceptably unclean."

-I didn't get sworn at. Not once. For shame.

-A Rye and Ginger is a Canadian drink. But if you really want one on New Year's Eve in New York, you can have one for only $10. (Give or take a couple of more dollars.)

-Home Alone 2: Lost in New York is kind of bullshit because if Macauly Culkin really did get lost obviously he would've been murdered. (Or at the very least would have had to resort to hooking to survive.)

-Drinking $2 PBRs at a hipster dive bar made me realize that hipsters in New York aren't any cooler than Canadian ones. In fact, that they pay more in rent makes their existence even more meaningless.

-I went all the way to New York City and the only celebrity I saw was a fucking Canadian. And it was fucking Jay Baruchel.

Ten movies of the 2000s

2009-12-29T20:52:00.001-05:00

I recently wrote up a best movies of the decade list for Crab Town.

You can read it here.

Feel free to undermine my opinions.

2009-12-28T18:08:00.001-05:00

I'm going to be out of town for the next week.

Cities from this year

2009-12-23T08:24:00.000-05:00

Because I traveled more this year than I ever have before (in terms of number of destinations), I figured I'd run off a list of places I went in 2009. Why? Because I'm a showoff.

-Edmonton, AB
-Vancouver, BC
-Toronto, ON
-Montreal, QC
-Oslo, Norway
-Berlin, Germany
-Prague, Czech Republic
-Cologne, Germany
-Bruges, Belgium
-Paris, France
-Barcelona, Spain
-London, England

Really I just wanted to list this because I feel like I'm not going anywhere outside of Toronto in 2010.

How to put your book together and hopefully not fail out of advertising school

2009-12-13T21:41:00.003-05:00

I'm just finishing up my first portfolio for school, it's due on Thursday. We've been told in our class that the first portfolio is always garbage, and when I look at mine I sort of feel that way.

I feel good about the fact that I can see that some of my ads aren't very good, but I'm troubled by the fact that I can't quite make them work. It hasn't quite clicked yet.

My semester's over on Friday. I might put up some of what ends up in my portfolio then.

Thoughts

2009-12-10T20:39:00.004-05:00

"The thing is, I really like saying yes. I like new things, projects, plans, getting people together and doing something, trying something, even when it's corny or stupid. I am not good at saying no. And I do not get along with people who say no. When you die, and it really could be this afternoon, under the same bus wheels I'll stick my head if need be, you will not be happy about having said no. You will be kicking your ass about all the no's you've said. No to that opportunity, or no to that trip to Nova Scotia or no to that night out, or no to that project or no to that person who wants to be naked with you but you worry about what your friends will say."

"Do not be critics, you people, I beg you. I was a critic and I wish I could take it all back because it came from a smelly and ignorant place in me, and spoke with a voice that was all rage and envy."

--Dave Eggers, from an interview.

About the second quote, that is not how I personally feel about music/movie/art/theatre/et cetera critics in general, it is only a perfect description of my own reasons for not wanting to be a critic anymore.

For very good examples of intelligent, thoughtful criticism, I suggest you read my friend Michael Hingston's reviews.

Haas Radio

2009-12-05T12:11:00.000-05:00

Preoccupied

2009-12-02T20:44:00.003-05:00

We're entering our last two and a half weeks of the first semester, so I've been pretty busy for a while now. Yeah. Don't have much more to say about that. Clearly I should be a copywriter.

Here's an old photo instead of a yarn about advertising.

Roller coaster of love is a song

2009-11-16T20:11:00.002-05:00

Our teachers frequently stress to us that advertising isn't a business for the faint of heart; you have to be able to deal with rejection. And while that's something I'm accustomed to in my personal life (*rim shot*), it's been weird to experience it day in, day out at school.

One day a teacher tells you they like a campaign you've done and you feel like you know exactly what you're doing, the next they say something as simple as "I don't get it" and then you feel like you're wasting a year of your time and thousands of dollars training for the wrong career path.

Then you have another good day and refuse to believe that you could ever fail again.

Royal Crown

2009-11-07T16:55:00.001-05:00

I'm working on a campaign for RC Cola right now, and in researching the brand I stumbled upon this gem of a commercial:

Vancouver still thinks it can host the Olympics

2009-11-03T21:08:00.006-05:00

I just came across this article on the CBC's website about a Vancouver couple who are trying to rent out their home for the 2010 Olympics. The story goes on to to say that thousands of people want to rent their houses but are finding no takers. Essentially, Vancouverites are asking for too much money.

I lived in Vancouver for over 4 years, and I have lost count of the amount of people who used to rag on Toronto for it being full of rude, arrogant, greedy people who are always in a hurry. (I should also like to add that a number of these complainers had never actually been to Toronto.)

While I won't argue that some Torontonians are greedy I will say that if we were to host the Olympics, we would not be clamoring to rent out our homes. We would be too busy telling people to stay the fuck out of our city.

"That's a nice thought"

2009-11-03T15:26:00.001-05:00

I've been spending the majority of my time thinking over the past week or so, trying to get out of what one of our instructors, Jane, calls "the 10 hour garbage can" for a number of different campaigns.

Normally I just like to pretend that means I can spend 10 hours thinking up very dirty ideas.

2009-10-29T14:56:00.003-04:00

One thing that a few of my teachers are really stressing to us is the importance of immersing yourself in culture. I'm hoping that watching Mad Men and looking at a lot of photography websites is good enough.

Speaking of the latter, Tim Barber has relaunched his Haas-recommended website Tiny Vices.

Sometimes it feels like strategizing is akin to plotting

2009-10-27T17:57:00.002-04:00

I think it's a sign that I'm headed down the right career path when I am working on creating on an in depth creative work plan for an ad campaign for my class, when only the ad campaign itself was assigned.

Our teachers do tell us to write a strategy anyway, but I'm not sure the expect a 4 pager every time. I find getting into the heads of consumers pretty interesting. I guess all those years of talking to myself are finally going to pay off.

Headphones

2009-10-26T19:27:00.003-04:00

I hope one day I get to work on an account for ear bud headphones, if only so I can write this tagline: "Guaranteed to not work as advertised."

This is based on my experiences of buying a pair only to discover that "sound blocking" more often means "excessive letting in of sound."

If only the store had carried my preferred brand in a colour other than teenage pink. (That's a real shade.)

Aging

2009-10-22T14:03:00.005-04:00

Another photo from Heist, Belgium. Taken in June of this year.

Off-Strategy: Nike Poster

2009-10-21T12:20:00.001-04:00

Another from my Mac apps class.

Another Vancouver Olympic debacle before they've even started

2009-10-15T17:48:00.002-04:00

The medals for the 2010 Vancouver Winter Olympics were unveiled today.

Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm pretty sure they look like someone just backed over them with a car.

Ghastly music

2009-10-15T15:00:00.002-04:00

Some of you may know this already, but Ryan "Breaker High" Gosling is in a band called Dead Man's Bones and they just released a self-titled debut album with assistance from a children's choir in Los Angeles.

It's surprisingly good.

Off-Strategy: InDesign

2009-10-14T11:35:00.002-04:00

One of the classes I'm taking is about learning all of the Adobe CS4 programs, and for our most recent assignment we had to make a concert poster.

Here's mine:

Quotes Out of Context: CNN

2009-10-12T21:40:00.000-04:00

This evening on CNN:

"Our person of interest tonight is David Alan Grier."

"Larry King Live is up next, he's going to be talking about ground beef."

Really

2009-10-08T14:50:00.003-04:00

Yes mam, the Mac's cashier would obviously prefer you pay for your $2 lottery ticket with pennies as opposed to the toonie you have in your hand.

Off-Strategy: The Ads I Wish I Could Make

2009-10-07T10:57:00.005-04:00

Probably the most enjoyable part of advertising is coming up with an idea for an ad. It takes a while to sort through all of the bad ideas, but sometimes there are some you know are bad but would love to use anyway.

Even if, like the one below, they make no sense and do not relate to the advertising strategy.

Where are they now?

2009-10-06T17:13:00.004-04:00

Do you ever stop and wonder what ever happened to Prevail of the Canadian hip hop group Swollen Members?

Well, if for some reason you do, wonder no more:

He's posing for stock photos on Getty Images.

For the love of God, someone please buy some of their albums.

As much as I like Mad Men, Don Draper is a dick

2009-10-03T12:41:00.005-04:00

At the beginning of September I started taking a post grad program in Advertising Copywriting at Humber College here in Toronto. I've been pretty busy with schoolwork so I haven't had that much time to tend to this ol' thing, but throughout the next 7-8 months of the course I plan on posting various updates about my progress.

I doubt I'll be putting up any of the ads I write, definitely not any of the ones I've done so far, but I'll try to post other things that I come across in the process.

For now I'll leave you with the Apple ad that virtually every person in advertising has a boner for:

Really

2009-09-26T14:22:00.003-04:00

I feel that if you are buying 1-8 of the largest items in the grocery store, you are going against the spirit of the express checkout lane.

Liveblogging the 2009 MTV VMAs

2009-09-13T20:36:00.028-04:00

8:25: I’m 25 minutes late in covering the red carpet. In other words, mere seconds ago I had a life.

8:26: Taylor Swift just gave a laugh so fake I almost stopped being creeped out by how wide her eyes are. Almost.

8:29: Judging by how nervous Justin Bieber is standing beside P. Diddy, I think he just met his first real live black person. (Usher doesn’t count.)

8:30: Whoever this douche VJ is, he just sassed some other douche off his “platform.” It’s a lose-lose situation.

8:45: Jermaine Jackson looks really happy. I wonder if him feeling that way combined with his brother being dead and him all of the sudden being back on MTV is just a coincidence.

8:46: What the fuck is Fefe Dobson doing at something associated with MTV? Isn't she Canadian.

8:50: Much Music has Devin Saltondick telling viewers we won't believe what they have planned for the Michael Jackson tribute. I'm pretty sure he is saying that because he doesn't know.

8:54: I accidentally changed the channel to an episode of Brooke Knows Best where Linda Hogan was crying. Great, now I'm going to have to do this blind.

8:55: Another guy tried to get all up in the douche VJ's shit while he was interviewing Beyonce. To be fair, the VJ wouldn't let go of her hand when she tried to walk away.

8:58: Good news guys, the other douche VJ on the red carpet just gave the award for Best Video That Should Have Won A Moonman. It was "Sabotage" by the Beastie Boys. I bet Adam Yauch feels so much better now.

9:00: Madonna just walked up to the mic and said "Michael Jackson." This is a great tribute.

9:04: Wait, what? Now she's talking about a lynch mob. Is the tribute a lynching of Joe Jackson?

9:07: Oh my god, you guys, it's a bunch of no name dancers dancing to a video of "Thriller" in the background. And here I was worried that MTV hadn't put a lot of thought into this.

9:11: It looks like Janet Jackson forgot she's not supposed to lipsync to Michael's lyrics. So long as her boob still pops out I'll forgive her.

9:22: There Shakira goes again, pretending she speaks English.

9:24: Kanye West makes Taylor Swift cry and he gets booed?

9:39: Taylor Swift is really proving Kanye wrong by performing on a subway car and having her audio track delay while she lipsyncs.

9:49: It's time to play "Spot The Penis." (Lady Gaga is performing.)

9:52: See, she is a woman. That's menstrual blood she's smothering herself in.

10:03: Nellie Furtado is Spanish now? I thought she was Canadian. You can't be both.

10:05: Megan Fox just paused for applause that didn't come. I guess this audience has already seen Jennifer's Body.

10:17: Hear that? They've been working on the sequel to Twilight for months. Life must be hard for actors.

10:22: Beyonce is proving Kanye right. You know, bouncy cleavage and such.

10:30: It's getting close to my bedtime, I really hope Justin Bieber has already been tucked in.

10:51: Nothing like a tribute to a dead DJ being cut short for commercial.

11:00: Also nothing like me giving up on liveblogging this show because I'm tired and I want to go to bed.

This might have been a bad idea

2009-09-06T18:35:00.003-04:00

For some reason, I decided that it would be a good idea to enter the 3-Day Novel Contest over this Labour Day weekend. It started on Midnight on Friday and ends at Midnight on Monday.

With about 29 hours left, I've written 40 pages and thousands upon thousands of words. I doubt I'm going to finish any kind of coherent story before the end, but maybe it means I'll finally be able to avoid procrastination in the future.

Wolfe Island

2009-08-26T08:48:00.004-04:00

I've been busy doing life stuff. Here are some photos I took last weekend. I used my new Lensbaby muse model.

Barcelona & London

2009-07-23T17:41:00.006-04:00

Barcelona, Spain

London, England

Better colour quality on my Flickr.

Paris, France

2009-07-20T09:08:00.004-04:00

June 2009.

Belgium

2009-07-19T12:00:00.006-04:00

Bruges and Heist, June 2009. Better colour quality on my Flickr.

Prague, Czech Republic

2009-07-17T11:39:00.012-04:00

June 2009. Better colour quality on my Flickr.

Berlin, Germany

2009-07-15T09:20:00.012-04:00

June 2009.

(Better colour quality on my Flickr.)

Oslo, Norway

2009-07-14T10:33:00.012-04:00

June 2009.

(Better colour quality on my Flickr.)

When Beards Go Bad II

2009-06-29T10:18:00.004-04:00

I'm back from vacation, back to the grind. What grind that is, I don't exactly know yet.

Once I get my photos developed and scanned, I will be putting the better shots I took up here. I may also add my thoughts on Bruges, Barcelona, and London, since I kind of skipped over those.

In the meantime, as promised, here is a photo of the "progress" I made with my beard during my trip. I shot this right before I shaved it off. I apologize for the MySpace angle nature of the photo, I was too embarrassed to ask someone at my hostel to do it.

Paris Bueller´s Day Off

2009-06-23T14:08:00.000-04:00

I don´t think I could say much about Paris that hasn´t been said before (I liked it, a lot), so instead I will simply pose this question:

What is the logic of having police officers on rollerblades? For a criminal they are chasing to escape, wouldn´t he just have to run onto some grass?

Wack beard the pirate

2009-06-18T04:21:00.002-04:00

Today I felt like Clark Kent turning into Superman when I shaved my beard off.

I did take a photo to track its progress, but there wasn´t much.

The problem with having a patchy beard is that growing out only accentuates just how patchy it is.

Just a Prague in the machine

2009-06-17T15:42:00.002-04:00

I had a weird stay in Prague. It has great architecture and everything, but I was there over a weekend and it was overrun with tourists. At many of the major sites it was hard to even move around without bumping into someone.

It didn't help things that I was in a large dorm room in my hostel and happened to share it with some terrible people. That is where I met The Captain mentioned in the last post. He gave a bad name to dudes who walk around shirtless everywhere, and I say that while believing dudes who walk around shirtless are generally pretty awful.

I did, however, have some typical ignorant North American experiences there. I got a little ripped off at a restaurant near the tourist centre and had a pickpocket get too close for comfort at the central train station as I was waiting for my overnight train to Bruges.

A fond farewell.

The Captain

2009-06-14T17:35:00.003-04:00

They call him The Captain.

Or at least he says "they" do.

He is Canadian, probably. At least he says he's Canadian so people won't think he is American. He has told at least three different versions of a story about how he is so chill, so laid back that he randomly woke up on a train (or a train station, or a bus stop) only to find out he was headed to Prague, and just said "Fuck it." You see, he just does what he does. He goes with the flow. If he meets some cool people, he follows them. "Always."

He is all about living life. He lives his life and may or may not alter his stories to punctuate that lifestyle. If you tell him you are from High Park in Toronto, he tells people he "met some dude from Regent Park" as if they are the same neighbourhood. (They aren't. There's a big difference between a guy who grew up in a black neighbourhood and an awkward white guy who group in a neighbourhood where he was more or less taught to be cautious of any and all non-whites.) But Regent Park sounds more dangerous, and that's what matters most.

He is so chill that other dudes just want to be him. He seems like he has it all. He is so chill, in fact, that a seemingly reasonably normal and slightly awkward guy will strive with all his might to seduce a girl that The Captain very clearly fucked the night before. But it doesn't matter.

If The Captain had her, she must be hot, right?

He is so cool that people ignore the fact he is an insufferable douche bag. He can still go into a bar and declare that after two minutes without music (in which the bartender is busy making the off-menu drink he ordered), he should DJ. And, of course, he has a pocket speaker system perfect for his iPod.

He chooses Audioslave as an appropriate soundtrack. It clashes with the music the bartender already has playing. But he sees no reason to stop it. He loves Audioslave.

He doesn't care.

He's chill. He's laidback. He is having the ultimate European Vacation.

No regrets.

He's The Captain.

Two beard health care system

2009-06-13T18:21:00.002-04:00

My facial hair has gone from disgusting to being just a mystery.

Do I have a beard or am I a billy goat?

David Bowie might have done 3 albums in Berlin, but I did 3 loads of laundry

2009-06-12T11:42:00.002-04:00

Computers of questionable quality are to blame for me not posting anything while in Berlin.

Here's a rundown of German things:

-I tried Currywurst (did not like)

-Accidentally picked a song by Berlin when doing karaokee (I didn't mean it as a joke, I just always sing their song "Take My Breath Away")

-Watched a woman get hit by a car on her bike (she was okay)

-The final night in my hostel, one of the guys in the dorm room looked like Javier Bardem in No Country For Old Men (I was frightened)

-Did not see Knut

-Is German beer supposed to be good?

Beard science

2009-06-07T06:43:00.002-04:00

I'm starting to think the only way growing out my facial hair is a good idea is if I accidentally stumble upon an open casting call for Teen Wolf 3.

Beard update

2009-06-06T07:56:00.002-04:00

After about a week, my facial hair is somewhere between this:

And this:

Observations about Oslo no one has ever made before

2009-06-04T17:10:00.002-04:00

-Norwegians don't waste their spare change by tossing it into fountains. As a result, fountains look nice.

-The Oslo Opera House is infinitely more interesting and aesthetically appealing than the Sidney Opera House.

-Kroner rhymes with boner.

-Going to the Edvard Munch museum and seeing some of his paintings other than "The Scream" will show you he produced a lot of great, captivating work.

-Public transit is reliable (meaning it follows a schedule).

-It is bright.

Who's the boss-lo?

2009-06-01T14:50:00.002-04:00

Me. Because I'm watching America's Next Top Model with Norwegian subtitles to fight off sleep collapse.

When Beards Go Bad

2009-05-31T12:15:00.004-04:00

I've never tried to grow a beard before, at least not for longer than two weeks. The reason for this is because I've never had enough facial hair to complete one. But I decided that while I'm traveling I might as well let it fly and see if I can't come up with something that sort of resembles a beard.

Here's a photo of me without having shaved in two days.

The next photo will be after thirty.

Maple Europe

2009-05-30T08:15:00.002-04:00

I'm leaving for a month long trip to Europe tomorrow, despite the fact that I once devoted an entire column to explaining why I wouldn't do such a thing.

I'll be posting brief updates from each place I stop in, and I'm predicting it's only going to take me about 4 days to start whining about other Canadian tourists. I really wouldn't be surprised if I end up spending the majority of my trip sitting in an internet cafe trying to think of a pun that works with the name of whatever city I'm in.

If I come back with a photo from the bottom of the Eiffel Tower, somebody beat me up.

Details

2009-05-21T10:17:00.002-04:00

You know what my favourite part about having a blog is?

Writing posts that are excuses for not posting more. It makes it seem like I am very busy.

While this isn't entirely true, I am doing some last minute planning for a month long trip I'm leaving for in 10 days. I plan on posting stuff from abroad, but don't expect to be anything other than sarcastic ramblings about annoying tourists.

(I'm not a tourist, obviously.)

Forever Sam's

2009-05-15T09:43:00.002-04:00

I shot this photo of Sam The Record Man on last year's Nuit Blanche, before the store was torn down.

I uploaded it to my Flickr a few days ago and today Torontoist made it their daily photo.

Rattle Snake Point

2009-05-11T23:10:00.004-04:00

Some guy paid me $20 to get out of his way

2009-05-10T10:50:00.003-04:00

Sorry for the lack of, well, anything on here lately. I moved back to Toronto a week and a half ago and spent the last week visiting some friends in Montreal, so my oh so precious writing hands have been busy doing other things.

I'm leaving for a month long trip in three weeks, so there likely won't be much material to go around here for some time. I'll try to give you some giggles before I leave.

My life has come to this

2009-05-02T16:28:00.000-04:00

Talking on my cellphone in front of my parents' house at 4 AM a neighbour shushes me, saying "Some of us have to work in the morning."

My life has come to this

2009-05-01T10:26:00.000-04:00

The guy who just shampooed my parents' carpet gave me sass. "Don't work too hard" he tells me as I sit in my pajamas looking at Facebook.

French toast

2009-04-22T17:40:00.002-04:00

I'm moving from Edmonton back to Toronto next week, so the issue of SEE that comes out tomorrow will probably be my last.

In it, I've got a review of the French film Welcome to The Sticks. I basically didn't like it because I'm not French.

You decide if I'm being a xenophobe or not.

High school boo sick ill

2009-04-15T18:34:00.002-04:00

I know there's so many of you out there dying to read something new on here, but you know that's life.

In the issue of SEE coming out tomorrow, I have a review of the new Zac Efron movie 17 Again.

I'm in the process of preparing for a move to another city, so my time for fake blogging about cats and Hollywood is limited.

Shed a light of love

2009-04-05T22:37:00.004-04:00

I didn't get to review Adventureland, but I got around to seeing it tonight and pretty much loved it.

I know that Fast & Furious won the box office with so many millions of dollars, but you should consider a movie that's funny and moving and what not.

Wolf play

2009-04-01T17:14:00.004-04:00

In the issue of SEE coming out this week, I have a preview of an original local production at the Citadel, Extinction Song.

I also review the latest album by Black Lips.

I will have some movie reviews in the coming weeks.

Belated thoughts on the 2009 Juno Awards

2009-03-31T22:06:00.008-04:00

Yes, it's the Junos. Or as 30 Rock aptly dubbed them, "The Canadian Grammys." In other words, completely unrepresentative of the best Canadian music.

Here are some of my hilarious observations about last Sunday's show:

-Chad Kroeger is forever and always a huge fucking douche bag. But you knew that. The most amusing part of Nickelback's opening performance was how much passion the bassist put into his backing vocals on "Something In Your Mouth." (Yeah, it's about a penis.)

-Russell Peters is probably the best argument for saying "Just because you're a minority, that doesn't make that stereotype any less racist." (Bonus racist conspiracy theory: him and Sugar Sammy are the same person.)

-Diana Krall must be one hell of a wife, otherwise how would they get Elvis Costello to show up?

-Sam Roberts could probably have a more successful career as a male model. But honestly, he's easily the most tolerable act who performed.

-Fuck Hedley. Just fuck 'em. (The Trews, too. But for different reasons, since they don't sell records.)

-The Stills won "Best New Group" even though they just put out their third album, and their first was their only good one.

-You know there's something wrong with the Junos when Kardinal Offishall doesn't even show up. How else we gonna git a lil' "Northern touch"?

-As an afterthought, whatever happened to Skye Sweetnam? (That was to fulfill my CanCon requirements.)

-I'm still confused if inducting Loverboy to the Canadian Music Hall of Fame was ironic or not.

-I don't know who Serena Ryder is, but she bobbed around so much when she sang that I got nauseous. She also said "Thank you," but I don't know why.

-The announcer called some girl who won a Pepsi contest to get on stage "the luckiest fan in the country." I'd argue that. I watched the show sitting in my $900+/month apartment in Edmonton, Alberta drinking Royal Reserve whiskey by myself. Seems to me Lady Luck doesn't play favourites.

-Chad Kroeger acted surprised that Nickelback won a Juno. In other news, Jennifer Aniston was shocked to learn she's insane.

-Uh, this guy was in the audience:

-Is Bryan Adams real? Seriously? Does he actually exist? How is he not just the personification of Canada's desire to move away from home?

-It's too bad Sam Roberts won Artist of the Year. I guess we won't be seeing him in Joe Fresh underwear ads. Or even shopping at Superstore.

-Elvis Costello and Diana Krall were so twee on stage it almost made me ignore the fact that Nickelback won Album of the Year. Because if Canadian music is about anything, it's singing about putting something (penises, dicks, cocks, etc.) in girls' mouths.

-If nothing else, this show was trying to tell the world that the most unique thing about Canadians is how badly we want to be Americans.

Too many vees

2009-03-25T23:31:00.000-04:00

For some reason lately I've grown pretty tired of music criticism, record reviews in particular. I don't mean writing them myself, just reading them. It's a struggle for me to get all the way through an entire Pitchfork review — too damn long, and often nothing interesting to say that couldn't have been said in a paragraph.

That's pretty much exactly why I like writing 150 word CD reviews for SEE. And I've got two of them this week: the new albums by Wavves and Swan Lake. You can read both of them here.

Chasing THE Dream: The First Blog

2009-03-24T23:44:00.005-04:00

Friends, colleagues, lend me your eyes!! Haha! This is my first blog from Holly-fuckin'-Wood!

I figured this would be a good place to keep all of you up to date on my progress on pursuing my dream of becoming a world famous actor. I know it's not like I'm the first person to do this, but I honestly believe I'm going to bring a unique perspective on the experience. (And hey, if I don't get some movie roles maybe I'll get a book deal. Fingers crossed.)

I've got a few auditions coming up in the next few days, so I really should get back to working on developing those characters. One role I'm really psyched on is this kind of weirdo janitor who works in a high school. He doesn't have any lines but it seems like he could be in the background of a lot of shots. I'm working on giving him this pretty nasty stink eye that he's going to flash to the villainous students of the story. A little foreshadowing as they like to call it down here.

Other than that, I've just been settling into my new digs here in LaLaLand. I did what many do and took a room in a hotel to start:

It's not bad, not bad at all. It's cool because I've already met some other tennants here that are also aspiring actors. It's inspiring to talk to these people and just discuss our raw passion for acting. There's already talk of some of us forming our own little troupe and doing some impromptu street performances. You never know how you're gonna get discovered out here...

What else can I say? Lovin' the sun, the gorgeous babes, and the celeb sightings. I'm hoping one day it's me people are gawking at as I strut down Sunset. Until then, I'll just have to strut around knowing that I am going to make it in this town.

KITTEN BLOG #5 >:(

2009-03-20T15:14:00.002-04:00

Okay guys, I know it's been a long time since my last update, but BENEDICT and I haven't been getting along lately.

Everyone always talks about how great it is to have pets and all that but they never tell you that they can be so so so destructive. Like, sometimes it seems like BENEDICT doesn't have any consideration for MY possessions.

I came home from work one day to find my house looking like this:

(Can you spot the damage?)

He was very playful when I first got him, but I kinda thought he would've calmed down by now. He is always running away from me, hiding under tables and things and then bolting out from under them. It's like, what's he so excited about ANYWAY? Just give me ONE minute!!!

Maybe something's bothering him but I really have no idea what it could be... It's hard to stay mad at him when he looks so scared.

I've actually been doing a lot of soul searching about what to do about this, and I think it's that me and Benny aren't connecting right now. I think there must be some negative energy in the house, and that's what causing him to act out. I probably shouldn't have insisted those Mormons stay for tea the other day...

Wow, haha, I just re-read this and realized how much of a DOWNER I'm being! Talk about negative energy, lol! I'll have to do a cleanse before the next update!

Thinking positive thoughts from now on!!

Kitty word of the day: catnap (at least I hope so!)

"You should, you should scat"

2009-03-18T17:22:00.004-04:00

Another article from SEE this week.

I've got an interview with the drummer of Plants and Animals, Matthew Woodley.

I have been writing stuff at a consistent clip for SEE, but other than some CD reviews I'm not sure what I'll have in the upcoming weeks. Hopefully I'll get around to doing something else with my time.

I finally got around to watching Synecdoche, New York, and though I liked it, boy did it ever bum me out. I suggest not watching on it if you are working on any significant creative project, just like you should avoid watching Kicking and Screaming after you have graduated from university.

Warren is Dreaming

2009-03-15T10:10:00.005-04:00

In the past few days I've been cleaning up my old computer, which means I've been sorting through a lot of the old templates for the Warren's Dream comics I did while I went to SFU and worked at The Peak. I decided to upload some of the one's that weren't total failures (not many.)

You can see my favourites here, here, here, and here.

The latest kitten blog is a work in progress.

An unrelated musical side note: I know I said I fucking loved Handsome Furs' new album Face Contronl in my last post, but I thought I should say it again: it's absolutely great. Fuck Animal Collective, this is the front-runner for album of the year so far.

North of the border

2009-03-11T17:45:00.005-04:00

More stuff from SEE this week.

I've got a feature on the new Handsome Furs album Face Control, for which I interviewed Alexei Perry. Since I was trying be, you know, objective, I didn't really talk about how much I fucking love the album, but I do.

I also have a CD review of the War Child compilation Heroes, which is just a bunch of indie bands covering more famous people. (Please note the rating should read three and a half stars.)

I've been meaning to do other things to post here, but I've been preoccupied. So, uh, tough luck.

The future of Polaroid

2009-03-10T13:13:00.005-04:00

I know I don't often post links to other websites here, but I just found one that is important to me. I had heard rumours of a group of people getting together and purchasing an old Polaroid film factory with the intention of bringing the product back to the market, but I hadn't seen or heard anything to substantiate it.

But today I came across the website for The Impossible Project, and so it is clear that the rumours are true. I know some of the people who read this are fans of Polaroid, so I assume this comes as good news. Even if they only produce Polaroid film for the normal cameras (and it seems that is their intention right now), I think this is entirely worth supporting.

Not to get overly dramatic but in the age where digital photography is rampant and interesting photographs are increasingly rare, I think that preserving the production of Polaroid film is essential to maintaining the credibility of photography.

Warren's Dream: Katy Perry

2009-03-07T18:15:00.002-05:00

I promise I'll have some actual writing or something up here soon.

No toga

2009-03-04T20:09:00.002-05:00

In the issue of SEE that comes out tomorrow, I review the Citadel's production of Julius Caesar that I previewed in the last issue. It's the first play review I've ever done, and I'm not crazy about it, but it's a start.

In upcoming issues I will have an interview with the Handsome Furs' Alexei Perry and Matthew Woodley of Plants and Animals.

Warren's Dream: Rihanna

2009-03-02T21:18:00.002-05:00

Because I felt like I hadn't crossed that line of good taste recently.

Stabbin'

2009-02-25T19:16:00.002-05:00

In the issue of SEE coming out tomorrow, I preview the Citadel's production of Julius Caesar. But it's essentially just an interview with the play's director, James MacDonald.

Liveblogging the 2009 Oscars

2009-02-22T19:49:00.046-05:00

Before this all gets started, I guess I should mention that I haven't seen most of the movies nominated. The Reader? If I want to read a book, I'm going to read a book. I don't need someone to read it for me. Benjamin Button? Sure, I'd love to watch Brad Pitt be an old man baby fetus and see Cate Blanchett age into unattractiveness (oh wait, that goddamn chin is ageless.)

So I may not be the most informed Oscar watcher, but at least I am drinking.

8:00: I'm not going to lie, the only reason I'm watching the Red Carpet coverage is because I want to see the big Angelina Jolie/Jennifer Anniston showdown. Is it possible they both will just meld into one giant cunt?

8:01: Okay, wait Tim Gunn is here? What? Where the fuck is Regis? What good is this without a closeted gay guy?

8:06: Brangelina doesn't have time for Tim Gunn? They were trying to pull away. Well they can kiss their chances as guest judges on Project Runway goodbye.

8:10: Alright, the whole cast of Slumdog Millionaire is there? I am calling an over-the-top acceptance speech for best picture right now. One of those kids is going to get to hold the statue.

8:15: Is Miley Cyrus getting a little fat around the neck? Did she just try to pretend she picked her dress out from a rack? Does she believe she's going to win an Oscar without dropping tro'? (Teen boob just doesn't cut it anymore.)

8:27: Man, Jennifer Anniston must be pissed. Nothing. John Mayer is going to have to work double-time to make her happy. Does that mean he's actually going to get good at music?

8:31: Wait a second, Hugh Jackman is a Kiwi?

8:38: My internet cut out during the intro that was specifically designed to boost sales in the cardboard industry.

8:42: If we can learn anything from the montage of former Best Supporting Actress winners it's that after you win, you age poorly or you turn into Goldie Hawn. Kurt Russel likes those odds.

8:48: Man, Penelope Cruz totally ripped off Javier Bardem's acceptance speech from last year. And by that I mean she talked gibberish.

8:52: It's a little weird Steve Martin is presenting the award for Best Original Screenplay, considering he wrote an entire album of awful banjo songs.

8:56: More like homogenized Milk. Am I right?

9:01: So all you need to do to write an award winning screenplay based on a book is sort of just not really base your script on it at all? Well played, British guys who wrote about India.

9:03: Jennifer Anniston flubbed her line. She's got an eye twitch. That's right, Jennifer, Angelina is watching everything you do. Judging you. Belittling you. But on the plus side, you're dating the man who released Room For Squares.

9:06: See how fast she opened that envelope? She wants to get the fuck out of there, back to someone who knows that her body is a wonderland. Except that wonderland got shut down about six years ago for safety violations.

9:10: Thank god, I'm not the only one who still thinks Styx is relevant.

9:16: Eeegad, man. Does Sarah Jessica Parker just try to look like a horse? Those aren't hair extensions that is a fucking mane.

9:23: If Dark Knight doesn't win best make-up I'm going to dig up Heath Ledger's body just to prove a point.

9:26: I really hope Will Smith had to pay the academy a lot more than the American dollar equivalent of seven pounds to get clips from that horrendous movie in this ridiculous montage.

9:38: Wait, I wasn't paying attention, did Jessica Biel just say GOD is at the Oscars? Who is He wearing?

9:43: If the Academy is taking this many shots at The Reader, have the Nazis won?

9:55: Oh, what, sorry, is this singing thing still happening? I was too busy doing a Google video search for Anne Hathaway in Havoc to notice.

10:05: Cuba Gooding Jr. is not joking. He needs work. Send him some food. Canned goods, anything.

10:09: It's a little awkward how far back Heath Ledger's family was sitting in the audience. Also, I'm pretty sure every single person in the audience practiced their facial expressions for this moment. Ron Howard = contemplative. Adrien Brody = emo. Mickey Rourke = drunk, probably. Brad Pitt = ...smug?

10:16: Philippe Petit just put all eccentric foreign Oscar winners to shame. He probably wanted to break the statue.

10:23: Remember Wanted? Remember The Hives? Yay, show biz!

10:32: Playing Indian music nets you an Oscar for sound, eh? The Love Guru was that close.

10:35: Will Smith even said it, except for editing, snipping film to a "Bollywood rhythm" equals Oscar gold.

10:45: Jerry Lewis is looking like he needs a telethon of his own.

10:54: Man the guy who scored Slumdog Millionaire is so talented. He's the same guy who won for sound effects, right?

11:00: I'm just going to say it, John Legend belongs in Bollywood.

11:07: Does anyone else think Liam Neeson just decided on a whim which foreign film was going to win? I'm sure anyone who has seen Taken wouldn't argue with him.

11:15: If the Oscars aren't careful with the length of these death montages, I'm liable to kill myself.

11:22: Danny Boyle's Tigger jump while accepting Best Director almost makes up for the fact that his movie has an ending that is emotionally on par with a Winnie The Pooh cartoon.

11:30: My Dad just said Sofia Loren looks like she's wearing a mask, a death mask.

11:33: With all of Kate Winslet's panting during her speech, I can't help but just remember all of the sex scenes she's done. She's quite talented.

11:37: This new five-person presentation method for the acting awards is the most self-masturbatory ritual the Academy has ever dreamed up. Really, who are these people?

11:43: C'mon, Mickey, you know you want to rush the stage. DO IT.

11:53: I kind of feel like Slumdog Millionaire has lost all its relevancy now, I mean India's going to get all the movie's money, right?