I want to have a relationship based on extreme circumstances

I was watching the movie Torque on TBS last night, and besides the over-the-top bike driving speeds and flips, and effects that were probably made by 12 year olds, the thing that really gripped me about the movie was the love story. You know, the action movie love story. When the main "dude" and semi-main "broad" start off with a hate for each other based on an awkward/rude first encounter, then their relationship slowly escalates into a form of sexual tension as the plot of the movie thickens and the characters are forced to work together to pull of a heist or stop a bad guy or whatever.

Then at the climax of the movie, both characters are thrown into a whirlwind of extreme circumstances. These circumstances can vary from high speed chases in cars, on motorcycles, maybe in a plane, or foot chases through subways, on and off boats. But the point is that after all the extremeness dies down, the guy and the lady get to the sex. Now, I'm not saying I want a relationship based on extreme circumstances because of the uninhibited, passionate, probably violent sex, but I want it because the movies lead me to believe the man and woman have formed an unbreakable bond based on their joint experience.


I mean take out Ice Cube and look at that couple. They look unbreak-up-able. The resolve in their eyes and the knowledge that they torqued together will lead to marriage and children. And oh shit check out those motor bikes! Nose-wheelie! That's foreplay for them, cause they torqued. They like bikes, that's "their" thing.


Then of course there is the classic, and in my opinion the standard, relationship based on extreme circumstances. Keanu and Sandra. SPEED. Look at that passion and fire. You know you don't normally get that. Ok sure Keanu has his earpieace in and his bulletproof vest, that definitely helps, but I'm pretty sure he can borrow that gear from the station any day and they can role play. That's a bonding experience I would like to know.


But then there is the problem of Speed 2. Sandra even says in that movie that "relationships based on extreme circumstances never work out." Ok that's fair enough, she did break up with Keanu. But a) that break-up was necessitated by Keanu's deamand for a larger salary for the sequel that the producers weren't willing to shell out and b) I call bullshit on this claim because Willem Dafoe goes nuts on a boat and causes all sorts of extreme circumstances that Sandra and Jason Patrick endure together that ultimately results in them getting engaged. Hear that Sandra? I'm calling you out. HYPOCRITE. Danger=marriage, and you know it.


I can't forget that love triangle that was Twister. Those high winds were blowing around more than trucks and barn animals, they were blowing around conflicted feelings. Bill Paxton and Helen Hunt used to date, but Bill now dates an uptight broad. As soon as the winds started going you could tell Bill still loved Helen. Extreme circumstances solidifies the bond, they make you sure of your true love. Bill ultimately chooses to go back to the woman he gets stuck in tornadoes with. Windstorms offer relationship security that I am dying to experience.


Pretty much, stealing cars and driving them really fast makes people hop in the back seat to do a little "double clutching" in less than 60 seconds. As far as I can tell if I have to steal a lot of cars with Angelina Jolie, she will sleep with me. So the same must go for all women.


Then there's the weird homoerotic undertones of Face/Off. Gay or straight, extreme circumstances don't discriminate. Something about becoming someone else has got to form some weird kind of sexual attraction to them. If it means I have to become Elisha Cuthbert for a couple days and lie to her family, so be it.


I never saw Man On Fire but I can only imagine the kind of relationship Denzel and Dakota had. I mean if someone was on fire for the extreme circumstance there's a pretty good chance you can keep making jokes about how you're hot for your partner, or your loins are on fire, or something.

That's all I'm saying, I'm being realistic, I don't have to experience an actual action movie type circumstance. I just want to be the guy on the news who is labelled a hero for saving a kid from drowning or reporting a suspicious package on the subway to police. And when it happens I just want there to be a girl with me to resuscitate the kid or jump away from the exploding subway car.